Monday, May 4, 2009

No Pain No Gain

No pain for me would be a good thing, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. That is because this morning I am busy filling out ten pages of forms to take to my new pain doctor tomorrow morning for my first appointment. The forms and questions are pretty much identical to the forms I filled out last year for the pain clinic back in SC. I hurt my back three years ago, and have a bulging disk pressing on a nerve which has caused sciatic pain for said three years. I am in pain 24/7, some days it's bearable, other days I can't even function. Every day I still get up, do what I have to do around the house or around town, but feel miserable while I do it. Besides the usual things like Tylenol and Bayer, I take prescription pain medication, a prescription anti-inflammatory, use prescription anti-inflammatory gel, and a prescription pain-killer patch, and I take a sleeping pill every night to help my body relax. All of which offer NO relief. Last fall I had two epidurals with NO relief. I did PT for a short while with NO relief. Nothing nothing nothing. I don't like to whine about my pain, even to my husband (when he asks how I am feeling I always say fine even when I want to scream because I am hurting so much), and I don't like sympathy for it because millions of people around the world have back pain too. I am not special, and I don't want pity or help around the house or anyone feeling sorry for me. I just want an answer and relief. Everyone tells me to go to a chiropractor, but for reasons I don't want to get into here, I just don't want to go to one. James is very supportive of me and whatever I need to do- whether it's him taking time off from work to go to appointments with me or cooking his own dinner on my really bad nights- but I am tired of the day to day pain and the limitations on my life. I'm tired of telling my husband I don't feel like going somewhere with him, I'm tired of losing sleep because I can't get comfortable at bedtime, and I'm tired of popping pills all day long. My new family doctor said losing weight will certainly help, but she said I may want to consider surgery, and these days it's very non-invasive. It's certainly on my mind right now, and it's an option I am willing to consider. I am only 42, and I've had this pain every single day, all day long, for the last three years. I do not see myself living like this for the next 30-40 years. I can't! (photo of what I feel like- only I'm not that skinny!)

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